Noëlle the 8-Bit🏳️🌈🎄
It is REALLY HARD to not think of myself in terms of what I can do. And when I run across someone who can do everything I care about better than I can, it's REALLY HARD for me to not think that it would just be better if I stepped aside and didn't bother anymore.
I KNEW I should have immediately followed up posting this toot by muting responses to it.
If I could convince Mastodon at large of only one thing, it would be this:
if you see someone complaining, DO NOT give them advice.
If someone ASKS for advice, offer it.
But 90% of the time, someone complaining is just venting. They're not telling you the whole story, and they're not receptive to being given advice, because in that mental state, your "good-natured advice" is their "HERE'S HOW YOU'RE DOING THIS WRONG".
Do not respond with advice unless it's asked for.
@noelle I think you're already upset when you posted this, so I'm thinking twice whether I should reply this— but I disagree. Some people might really need help, in a shit situation atm, confused, in need of some company and could've been better off if someone at least gave them advice, even if it doesn't solve the actual problem. Some people sucks at asking for help or at communicating.
@jaan_paul @noelle I agree with Jaan. I've found unexpected help without explicitly asking for it and given advice the same way. Rather than transfer expectations onto others and require them to read your mind, or go through a process of asking if you're asking for help, how about signaling your intention to vent in the first place with a "venting" CW?
@tomasino @jaan_paul @noelle you could just ask them and remove any ambiguity