Folks, I know all those goddamn work from home advice blogposts tell you to get a comfy headset with a good mic.

Mute the goddamn mic before you get hungry on a 60-person meeting and treat everyone to the sound of you slurping your clam chowder as recorded by a microphone that is one centimeter from the spoon and clamped to your jawbone for added reverb. Please spare us. Please. I am begging you

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