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Plus - we are having great fun playing 'freezer Russian roulette'.

Sampling miscellaneous tupperware containers containing food of unknown age and provenance.

I dislike these Gnome 3.36 white dots to indicate an application is 'active'.

No footy. No beer. No crisps. No chocolate. No treats. No takeaways. No pubs. No meals out.

Lost 2 stone 4 lbs so far. Best ruddy diet plan out there.

In the APEX community, there's a saying for a Forms -> APEX migration that blindly, universally and 100% completely implements the existing legacy Forms application. Some customers prefer it that way even though it may take a lot more time to engineer.

APEX folk sometimes call this 'Forms with lipstick'.

I am going to start using 'Forms with eyeliner' in tribute to Michael Stipe and R.E.M.

This Chris Whitty bloke. He's on the TV every night but I just find him rather dry and humourless.

I just flipping love this.

Management are told - 'All interactive reports are displayed to the user in under a second'

...but omit to add

'Everything else is a batch report that you might get after lunch, if you're lucky'

Marvellous. Just marvellous.

Customer proudly giving me walk-through of his APEX application prior to us moving it to Oracle Cloud.

'And what about performance ?'

'Nope. No performance issues whatsoever'.

'OK good. Any performance requirements ? Customer search < 2 seconds or Q4 Financials < 5 mins. Anything like that ?'

'Nope. Anything that takes over 2 mins is a batch job and we email the PDF to the user'.

Start digging into the batch reports and they're all shit untuned crappy, long running, unindexed SQL queries.

...whereas Debbie freezes her milk and has done so for two whole years. Mark helpfully informs us that Cravendale is excellent for this.

'My manager has a meat delivery scheduled for Monday and he will probably freeze the bulk of that'.

Just so you know...

Our weekly team call is now endlessly discussing delivery of fruit and veg from Amazon Pantry, all the big names and independent retailers.

I'm reminded of being back at school, sitting in a dreary classroom.

'Right - well if that's the way you want to play it, then fine. I've got nothing else today on so I suggest that we all just sit here waiting for the one, selfish, irresponsible person to own up to gouging bubblegum into Smithers' hair or for a full hour. Whichever comes first. Your choice'.

Just been for our daily walk.

Walked past a mother and child approaching a gated house.

Kiddie was about 8 years old, dressed in a silvery Princess dress, clutching a card and present.

My wife and I silently looked at each other thinking 'No, surely not ?'

The mother and child approach gate. We thought (hoped) they might just be dropping the present off but no, the front door opens, a woman effusively greets the pair and the security gates open.

Jocasta's birthday party is on folks !

Time doesn't sit easy on my wife's hands. On her days off, she normally is out and about, shopping or having a cuppa with friends.

At this rate, we'll have a spotless house, a new conservatory and she'll be sitting down writing her Christmas cards before too long :-)

Anyway, let's raise the spirits a bit.

With all these retired nurses returning to the NHS, police officers delaying their retirement and thousands of volunteers acting as Community Support Officers, the UK will very soon be back to full employment and tax revenues will be up. Hurrah !

'Hi - I need some advice. I'm self employed with my own limited company. My accountant told me ('never my fault') to take a low salary and also receive dividends. But now I'm staggered to find out I'm excluded from this Government assistance. Who is going to help me out ?'

'No-one. You have been reducing (legally) your tax and NI liability for years. Now is the time to dip into your accumulated savings during this time of reduced income. If you have none, then tough shit'.

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Mastodon @ SDF

"I appreciate SDF but it's a general-purpose server and the name doesn't make it obvious that it's about art." - Eugen Rochko