I'm in a funny mood today so here's:

10 Ways to Befriend a Necromancer

or

How to Make Friends and Reanimate People

(Thread, the rest will be unlisted)

#fantasy #writing #spooky (?)

@ParadeGrotesque Hehe, thank you! :blobpats: I maintain that necromancers are just squishy beans that look like prickly cacti.

@vicorva

He he he. It's all fun and games until the start of the zombie invasion.

What would be also funny would be: "10 reasons why your boyfriend might be a necromancer", for instance. ☠️

@vicorva

OK, I'll go first:

10. That tasteful gothic decor? That cozy crypt? Sure, it's all for giggles, until you realize the little alcove skulls are not plastic.

And they bite.

@vicorva

8. Listen, I am not saying the walk-in fridge down in the basement is suspicious.

But there are knocks on the door late at night. From the inside.

@ParadeGrotesque XD

7. Is it weird that instead of 'I love you' they lovingly whisper 'I will never let you die'?

@vicorva

🀣

6. Some guys like to keep PC parts around, some car parts in their garage.

He keeps body parts. You know, the usual: a hand here, a spleen there, couple of brains in a jar over there.

And just a like a regular bloke, he is pretty "proprietary" about it. Well, maybe a liiiiiiitle bit more proprietary than a regular guy.

@ParadeGrotesque useful!

5. The swirling red art on the floor of his library Is Not Paint

@vicorva

4. And the black candles around that swirling red art are not made with bee's wax.

@ParadeGrotesque

3. When you mention missing your pet, he is very interested in whether they were buried or cremated

@vicorva

2. He is very much into "Eternal Love". So romantic. But buying a plot for a "very special" crypt for two in the city cemetary might be going a bit too far.

And why buy the crypt but not the coffins?

And why is the crypt... doorless?

To which his only answer is: "I *meant* Eternal Love".

@ParadeGrotesque

1. His zombie apocalypse plan is actually a plan to START the zombie apocalypse.

XD

Follow

@vicorva

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! 🧟

I love it!

That was so good, here is what I would have put:

1. Seriously, though, you could not take a hint when you saw the re-animated corpse mowing his lawn?

(But I like your version better)

Β· Web Β· 1 Β· 0 Β· 0
Sign in to participate in the conversation
Mastodon @ SDF

"I appreciate SDF but it's a general-purpose server and the name doesn't make it obvious that it's about art." - Eugen Rochko